Day 19 Reflections

Well, that four days just flew by.  It’s hard to believe that I am nearly two-thirds of the way to the end of this challenge.  Last night, a friend at derby was talking about paleo cookies.  I told her I couldn’t until my 30 days was up.  So, therein lies the strictness of what I am doing.  No sweats, no cheats, no treats.  Not even honey in my coffee.  Nothing.  No sugar in any form, except fruit.  Is it hard?  Absolutely.  Is it killing me?  No.  I’m not dead…yet.

I keep noticing how I want to keep sleeping when its time to wake up.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are especially hard when I’m still wound up from derby practice at 10 p.m.  I’m trying to go to bed by 11, but find it difficult when my mind is racing with all the crap I have to do.  I’m also pretty pressed for time to just take care of me.  I’d like to find five minutes to shave my legs, but often choose to do the sink full of dishes instead.  Forget painted toenails and getting my hair did.

Recently, I read the Gabriel Method, which really focuses on FAT programs and how to turn them off.  I need less stress in my life.  I need to sleep more.  I need to do what makes me happy.  More than anything, I need to let go.  I’m working on all of this.  I’m exercising outside of roller derby, trying to spend more time outdoors, and imagining being chased by a bear when I’m running to trigger my primal skinny programs.  I don’t know if any of that is working on top of the Whole 30, but my new smaller sized clothes are definitely fitting better.  Now if the stressful things in my life (i.e.: a job I’m not excited about, divorce, relocation, etc.) would just subside, I’d feel better about life.  I’m working hard to not let me down in spite of the days I feel like I need to breathe through a paper bag.

Tomorrow, I have a Weight Watchers meeting.  I’ve been weighing in, even though you aren’t supposed to weigh yourself during the Whole 30.  I think the reasoning behind this is because they want you to focus on how much you are eating and what your body is telling you instead of getting caught up in the mentality of losing weight.  I had already resolved how I was going to deal with this when I started the Whole 30.  My weight had plateaued and it was because I was consistently hungry and feeding myself the wrong kinds of foods.  Fake sugars, diet foods, etc.  The balance of whole foods during these last few weeks has created some balance in diet.  I don’t crave junk and the “rules” keep me from eating or wanting things I “can’t” have.

Oddly, enough, with the new way that WW Points Plus program works, you have a weekly topic where you focus on one aspect of your weight loss journey.  These topics have fit into each week I’ve been on the Whole 30.  This week’s topic was mindful eating.  Perfect, because that is really what it is all about.  You have to be mindful of your food, your body and how they form a relationship with each other.  Does the food you eat sustain you?  Are you eating because you are truly hungry?  Is the food you are giving your body nourishing it or poisoning it?

Just some stuff to chew on…

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