Day 2: Journal

Day 2 was about the same as day 1, except I thought about forbidden food a lot more.  Where I was just looking at things on day 1 thinking, “I can’t have that–or that…” I was actually visualizing things I wanted.  Things I don’t even normally eat.  Part of me thought I could just have a taste because no one would know.  This must be what coming off of drugs is like.  The bargaining, the withdrawal, the what-ifs, the oh my goodness can I do this? and of course, the self-doubt.  I’m realizing that what I have undertaken on my own is a huge thing, kind of like everything I do.  In that vain, I remind myself that I’ve gotten through worse or more challenging and that this is only thirty days.  I have twenty-eight more to go and I doubt that they will be as dramatic as I have made the whole thing sound.

The biggest challenge I faced during day 2 was roller derby practice.  I ate my meal three around 5:30, which was baked chicken and asparagus.  I shared a banana with Dean.  These are things I normally do.  I also had an iced coffee on my way home from work.  This is also normal.  I got to our practice space, changed into my gear and started warming up.  My stomach felt awful and I felt like a sponge had been inserted into my insides and sucked all the liquid out of me.  Oh no.  I started sweating immediately and got a headache.  It was really muggy and hot in that warehouse all night long in spite of two huge fans and open doors.  I felt like I was going to drop dead any second.  Really.

Of course the practice was inclusive of my all-time favorite five minute drill.  I thought I was going to die.  We are required to skate at least 27 laps in five minutes.  29 1/3 laps is one mile.  I did 30.  We did this drill a few weeks ago and I skated 30.25, so I was down a quarter lap.  I really wanted to get 31.  Our fastest skater got 33.5.  Did I mention that I wanted to die?  I kept regretting my 36 years of food choices for at least 90 minutes of that two hour practice.  I also regretted not drinking more water throughout the day.

That’s not the end of it though.  I am running a 5k on Saturday.  I’m already having crazy dreams about food.   Again, I have been through worse and this isn’t even bad.  I must deal with my thoughts and emotions and create new habits.  I’m excited to start feeling awesome like everyone I know who has done this same 30 day commitment.  The nice thing about the challenging parts is that I am recognizing why they are challenging, thus I can make those tweaks in order to succeed.

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