Day 2 was about the same as day 1, except I thought about forbidden food a lot more. Where I was just looking at things on day 1 thinking, “I can’t have that–or that…” I was actually visualizing things I wanted. Things I don’t even normally eat. Part of me thought I could just have a taste because no one would know. This must be what coming off of drugs is like. The bargaining, the withdrawal, the what-ifs, the oh my goodness can I do this? and of course, the self-doubt. I’m realizing that what I have undertaken on my own is a huge thing, kind of like everything I do. In that vain, I remind myself that I’ve gotten through worse or more challenging and that this is only thirty days. I have twenty-eight more to go and I doubt that they will be as dramatic as I have made the whole thing sound.
The biggest challenge I faced during day 2 was roller derby practice. I ate my meal three around 5:30, which was baked chicken and asparagus. I shared a banana with Dean. These are things I normally do. I also had an iced coffee on my way home from work. This is also normal. I got to our practice space, changed into my gear and started warming up. My stomach felt awful and I felt like a sponge had been inserted into my insides and sucked all the liquid out of me. Oh no. I started sweating immediately and got a headache. It was really muggy and hot in that warehouse all night long in spite of two huge fans and open doors. I felt like I was going to drop dead any second. Really.
Of course the practice was inclusive of my all-time favorite five minute drill. I thought I was going to die. We are required to skate at least 27 laps in five minutes. 29 1/3 laps is one mile. I did 30. We did this drill a few weeks ago and I skated 30.25, so I was down a quarter lap. I really wanted to get 31. Our fastest skater got 33.5. Did I mention that I wanted to die? I kept regretting my 36 years of food choices for at least 90 minutes of that two hour practice. I also regretted not drinking more water throughout the day.
That’s not the end of it though. I am running a 5k on Saturday. I’m already having crazy dreams about food. Again, I have been through worse and this isn’t even bad. I must deal with my thoughts and emotions and create new habits. I’m excited to start feeling awesome like everyone I know who has done this same 30 day commitment. The nice thing about the challenging parts is that I am recognizing why they are challenging, thus I can make those tweaks in order to succeed.