Day One: Journal

I started out hopeful, enthusiastic, maybe even a little too self-assured.  I ate both of my meals, armed myself with an emergency snack of an orange and some almonds so I wouldn’t completely fall apart–because I know myself and know that snacking is something I’m going to have to seriously work on as we get through this.  At three o’clock I started thinking about sugar.

For the last four months, I have been getting through these afternoon cravings with fake sugar.  Sugar-free 2 point Weight Watcher mini bars, sugar-free gum, diet soda, etc.  On the Whole 30, you can’t do this.  Yikes.  My body apparently doesn’t know the difference between what is real or what is fake, it just thinks its being satiated.  Double yikes.  Now its me against the world of diet food, fake food and everything in-between and it’s overwhelming.  How do people live like I’ve lived, a world of convenience, grab and go, microwavable, put it in a tortilla and run lifestyles?  I have to remind myself of the steamed fish and vegetable mental image at least once today.  If I can get through 3:00 p.m., I can get through the evening.

I will not fail.

Or will I?  I find myself running around after work doing errands.  First, I took Dean to Target to get his baptism pictures done.  Then off to CVS to print some photos for work followed by a trip to Hobby Lobby to get them framed.  I start to feel really hungry.  Part of me at least wants to get a diet soda to tide me over until I make it home, but I pull through like  a champ–even with a last stop to the grocery store.  Once I get home,  I get a can of soda water and start feeding Dean.  Finally, I can make dinner or what those Whole 30 folks refer to as meal 3.  Seared tuna with sauteed yellow squash.  Delicious.  Even the kid likes it.  While I’m eating, I have Tuesday nights lemon chicken baking in the oven. Shit, I missed the season finale of Bones.  I collapse on the couch and watch Dean clap along with the applause of Dancing with the Stars.  A wave of sugar craving hits me again and I realize that I have a habit where I was eating a skinny cow ice cream sandwich around this time.  I made a new habit.  I went and got a bottle of water instead.

I made it through Day One with flying colors.  Some internal glitches, but I’m way too stubborn to give into that.  Duh.


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